Coastal.com Review!

So I was in need of some new specs recently and as the cheapskate that I am -- I didn't want to pay 380 dollars again for my whackadoo prescription. So, as I had seen postered all over the internet with their FIRSTPAIRFREE deal, I decided to check out Coastal.com's selection.

And I was pretty pleased! I made a quick video detailing my experience, which you all can watch down below. Sorry for the terrible video quality / my awkward ass -- my in-laptop webcam is kindasorta the worst and talking on a webcam to myself really just brings out my maximum awkwardness potential (MAP).

The glasses I got --  Love L740 Crystal Shadow
Coupon code I used -- FIRSTPAIRFREE

If you have any questions, ask them in the comments! Have any of you ever ordered from Coastal.com or gotten glasses online?

The (Very) Disgruntled Housewife.

For the last week I've been kicking it solo at my house while my roommate's been out of town and, lemme tell you, it's been a pretty lonely, sad affair (though admittedly most of my dismay is probably due to the fact that I've decided to take a soul sucking 4 hour summer Statistics class that's at 8am every morning). I've been kindasortamaybe using all this downtime to tidy up a bit, hence the inspiration for today's outfit. I've always liked vintage 1940's/1950's fashion (gasp! shock! what a new and exciting preference coming from a blogger!) and I really love when that kind of style is flipped on its head with a modern twist. There's something ironic about cleaning house while wearing this kind of thing when you yourself are not trophy wife material in the least. I'd say it's kind of like flipping off the patriarchy, but I'm not that delusional when it comes to what I put on my body. At the least, I'd like to think I'm at least serving up some old school disgruntled housewife realness.

Blue and white checker dress was thrifted from Goodwill, the shoes were thrifted from RePets (a local thrift shop in Bowling Green where the proceeds go towards taking care of animals in shelters and funding spaying/neutering services for low-income families), and I made the hair scarf in a sewing class I took in the fifth grade (go ahead and be jealous of my elementary school seamstress swag, guys).

A closer look at all the country colors and picnic patterns I have going on here. Lips are 509A by Wet N' Wild - it's a SUPER cheap and solid red lipstick!

Now scram! I have to sweep the kitchen before your father gets home...

as always, thanks for reading, and have a good week!
-Michelle

5 Steps for Trimming Your Bangin' Bangs at Home

Salons are expensive. Everyone likes getting their head massaged and their hair did, but sometimes your pocketbook doesn't have the means to afford it as often as you may want. It can get especially expensive if you have bangs -- those suckers grow fast and they demand frequent attention!  One easy way to cut your yearly costs at the salon is to trim your bangs yourself.

I've been cutting my own bangs for a while now (5+ years) and it's definitely an excellent skill to have. Here's my technique~ when it comes to cutting my bangs.

1) Set up your station.
There's going to be some motherfucking fallout, so it's best to be prepared. I have found that the best place to cut your bangs is in the bathroom directly in front of a mirror. Lay down some paper towel on the area where the hair will fall. If you have a sink in front of your mirror like me then cover the sink with a couple of pieces of paper towel -- this ensures easy and quick clean up of the hair trimmings for my fellow human sloths who can't be bothered with having to wipe down the sink afterwards.

Buffer your bathroom with some Bounty.

2) Use the proper supplies.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but don't try to cut your bangs with a pair of Fiskars. Precision is important! Purchase a pair of personal beauty care scissors. You can easily find them for as cheap as $6 at Walgreens and they are definitely worth the money. In fact, you can probably buy a pair at Dollar Tree for $1 if you really just can't justify dropping $6 on a pair of scissors.

What are you doing?!! NO.

3) Tame your mane.
This goes for curlyheads and non-curlyheads alike - make sure to brush or comb your bangs out before you begin to cut! If you're like me and your bangs tend to flip out/curl then you need to make sure they're all nice and flat and even before you trim. Otherwise you may end up with some crooked ass fringe. The stakes are high, guys. Some people like to wet their bangs down beforehand, but I personally am against that because I feel like it's harder to achieve the length I want since my hair is curly and the length between dry hair and wet hair is radically different. Unlike sex, you're going to want to do it dry.

I prefer to use a fine toothed comb, but any comblike or brushlike thing will do the job. Make like Ariel and use a fork if you want!

4) Get caught in the middle.
Some people say to start cutting your bangs at one end and then slowly make your way to the other side, but I say fuck that. I have found that it's easiest -- and you get an overall more even cut -- if you start in the middle and work your way out. Start between your eyebrows and...

5) Take it slow.
Don't just go crazy with the scissors and start chopping off chunks. Now you can think of it like sex - foreplay is good and so is taking it inch by inch. However, when cutting hair, you're going to want to take it in even smaller increments -- centimeter by centimeter. You can always cut more hair off, but you can't magically grow your bangs back to where you were before you messed up. Take it slow! Just cut little bit after little bit off until you achieve the length you want!


next week's how-to of sorts: So You Messed Up Your Bangs & Now You Want to Shave Your Head

Super Hip Update Post!

So! I haven't posted in forever and I am a terrible blogger! BUT. That is all soon to change because the semester from hell is over and it is now: SUMMER! And I have some big plans for this blog. This summer, I am going to start updating biweekly (yes, that's right! TWO updates EVERY week!) and I have all sorts of fun ideas in store. Recipes, outfits, shopping, how-to's, and more!

Stayed tuned, babies.

Until then, have some super hip and current Instagram shots of what I've been up to while I've been away (shots of the fun stuff, anyways... not so much with the photo documentation of my many medical afflictions and nervous breakdowns due to school). My instagram ID is sparklingwhine (which is also my name pretty much everywhere else), so feel free to add me!

I can never decide if my school's campus is gorgeous... or creepy... or both.

 For our one year anniversary John and I took a daytrip to the Newport Aquarium, wherein we posed with fake animals instead of real ones.

We saw some pretty cool alive stuff, too, I guess.

I've developed an obsession with veggie fajitas from Garcia's and eating grapefruit (SO. GOOD.)

And sometimes I cook (alcohol and vegetables are the only necessary food groups, right?)

I had a dog roommate named Leo for about a month! Leo is my housemate's dog and we took care of him while her parents were in Europe. I don't think my plan to get him to like me more than my roommate quite worked out, though, but goddamnit did I try.

Other canines that have been in my life lately: my boyfriend's dogs Frosty (or Voldemort, as I lovingly refer to her after she was shaved) and Peanut. You're a liar if you think you've ever seen something cuter than Peanut.

I saw Sharon Needles perform in Nashville with some friends (she was fabulous, of course) and I went to Thunder Over Louisville with John.

More Thunder!

Working at the radio station (revolution.fm, you can always listen online!) has kept me busy (and my iPod full!)

 Bare nails have not been an option lately. There's too much nail polish in the world (and in my vanity) to go bare!

I got a cute little goodie bag from Dani over at DIYFatshion and I've been finally tacking up my poster collection.

And lately I've been digging side ponytails and (as always) stupid faces.

HAGS! and, as always, thanks for reading!
(Have A Good Summer!)
-Michelle

"Are you going to have a baby?"

Dress - Target
Flats - Dots 

This is not an easy post for me to make, so everyone hold onto their butts.

Last weekend, I went to a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend to get dinner. We were greeted by a small Asian girl who couldn't have been any older than 9 years old. She had long, black hair tied back into a pony tail and light pink pastel glasses on her tiny little face. For a kid, she was dressed pretty impressively -- lots of various brown and pastel layers: tights; a skirt; two shirts, a short sleeve over a long sleeve; a sweater; boots. She smiled at us and took us to a table and asked for our drink orders. We responded with water (almost always taking the cheapest option when we go out to eat, duh). She stared at me for a second, and I awkwardly smiled at her (you're supposed to smile at kids, right? I'm admittedly terribly awkward with kids) and she continued to stare at me, looking me up and down. She cocked her head to the side and quickly and excitedly asked: "Are you going to have a baby?"

I froze for a second, taken aback. I was pretty sure I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I managed to (even more awkwardly) smile at her again and quickly say "erm, no. Just fat." She quickly shook her head and said "No, you're not. You're not fat. You're skinny!" I think I awkwardly laughed and replied with "oh, um, no. I'm fat. It's cool. It's just how I am and it's okay. Okay?" She took a tentative step towards me, getting quite close to my face, and looked me in eyes. "You're beautiful." She then quickly left the table.

I'm pretty sure at this point tears were beginning to well up in my eyes, whether I wanted them to or not. I looked down at the table. I wasn't angry, I wasn't mad, but I was undoubtedly ashamed and embarrassed. I've come a long way in being happy with my body, but all it took was an innocent question to spiral me right back into my mindset circa age 14. I can remember angrily grabbing at my stomach then and imagining cutting away my fat with a knife. I can remember going up to my mom and telling her that I hated how I looked and how I was afraid I looked pregnant. I can remember her sadly looking at me and telling me that if I just keep exercising my hour a day and keep doing my 50 sit ups a day my body would hopefully change. I remember my frustration with being a perfectly "normal" weight and working for miles and miles every day on the treadmill and looking in the mirror and still seeing a stomach that extended past my breasts. I remember the disgust I had for myself and I remember the hatred I had for my body. I'm okay with the fact that I'm fat and I'm okay with my body now after years and years of learning how to move past the hate, but this experience brought me back real quick. I quickly glanced over at my boyfriend, undoubtedly embarrassed, and he tried to manage a smile. That just made me want to cry even more. I felt disgusting and dirty and ashamed. I felt the hate for my body coming back after years of learning how to move past it. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

I didn't want to cry and I wasn't even really sure why I was crying -- was I really that hurt by an innocent question from a little girl about my body? Was being mistaken for a pregnant woman something to really be so ashamed of? Was it because this young girl had tried to reassure me that I was skinny and beautiful -- because fat and beautiful were obviously mutually exclusive categories in her mind? I was quiet during dinner -- I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to be wearing one of my favorite dresses anymore because I suddenly wasn't comfortable with the way I looked in it, and I didn't want to really even be alive at that moment. I wished I could just fade away.

I think anyone who's ever been fat knows what it's like to be constantly on guard about your body and I think anyone who's ever been fat knows what it's like to suddenly be confronted with your size. It can hurt and it can cut deep. But, I think with time and acceptance and truly dissecting why certain words cause hurt, we can all grow from these experiences and realize that they are not something to be hurt by.

As always. thanks for reading!
-Michelle

Spring Wardrobe Lustings.

Basically this is a post about stuff I'm yearning to be in my spring/summer wardrobe (basically the same thing here in Kentucky since it's been in the mid-80's here for the last week!) I really need to rehaul my wardrobe because I'm sick of a lot of the things that I own. Fatshionxchange has been super useful in doing that. I just need to sell more of my stuff that I don't wear anymore so I have the money to do that with!

Anyway, onto the stuff I'm drooling over lately!

i. Yellow Polkadot Top from Old Navy. (currently on sale!) $17.00
ii. Sugar Skull Cardigan from Torrid. $38.50
iii. Green Pussybow Blouse from Old Navy. (currently on sale!) $19.00

I used to love Old Navy, but for the last few years I have not at all been impressed by their selection. However, after perusing some of their stuff again recently on a whim, I was really pleasantly surprised! They have a lot of retro inspired pieces in their spring/summer collection and I'm just a teensy bit googoo gaga about it.

i. Victorian Floral Doc Martens from Dr.M USA Store. $130.00
ii. Destroyed Denim Shorts by Forever 21. $19.80
iii. Elephant Print Dress by ASOS. $62.67

I've been open-mouthed staring at those Doc Martens for what feels like years, but their hefty price tag means we'll probably just never be together. Le sigh. Other recent obsessions include this elephant patterned dress from ASOS, which is just too excellent for words. I'll definitely be stalking ASOS.com (like I don't already, pssht) for this little number to drop down in price.

 

i. High Waisted Garter Belt from Domino Dollhouse. $39.99

ii. Red Dotted Bathing Suit from Modcloth. $89.99

iii. Mesh Bow Tights from Forever 21. $6.80

iv. Lace Heart Garter Belt by Hips and Curves. (on sale!) $21.95

I have a little bit of an obsession with lacey, girly undergarments and the latest blip on my radar is my need to own a really cute garter belt. These garter panties from Domino Dollhouse and Hips and Curves fit the bill perfectly and I'm probably going to order one soon. I'm not sure which one I'm leaning towards yet (the sale price for the Hips and Curves one, however, makes a pretty convincing argument!), but one thing's for sure: a garter belt will be mine. Oh, yes.

Most of these items are well out of my budget range (sadly), but that only means one thing: I will be stalking the shit out of them until they go on clearance.

Hearts, Hearts, Hearts, Hearts.

There's a theme to today's outfit and I'll give you a hint: HEARTS.

Heart Top: City Chic.
Skirt + Heart Tights: Dots.
Boots (not pictured): Target.

I got this top from City Chic a few weeks ago when it was on sale and it's honestly the most COMFORTABLE top I've ever owned. The material is super soft and dreamy and the puff sleeves are too freaking cute. I've never expected much from shirts, but this top has honestly made me rethink everything I put over my boobs and stomach from now on. I didn't even know shirts could BE this great! Not only is it super comfortable and soft, but it also cinches in alllll the right places. I'm far from being any sort of hourglass shape (my stomach is large and in charge, let's be real), but this shirt provides a different illusion that's kind of fun for a change.



No, but seriously, I am in LOVE with this top. And no - I'm not getting any dimes to say any of this, I literally am just this passionate regarding this top (though hey, City Chic, don't be a stranger!)



The tights are from Dots as I mentioned above. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Dots, to be honest. I love their prices and a lot of their stuff, but I'm not terribly in love with their products' quality. I've bought two pairs of tights from Dots and while they are both adorable, the first pair was absolutely WRECKED after one wear. This pair has lasted two wears so far and doesn't seem to be breaking down on me yet, so perhaps the first pair was just a fluke. Let's hope so, because Dots' tights are REALLY cute and I don't want to have to stop buying them!

ALSO: I'm cleaning out my closet and selling a lot of my clothes (for cheap!) All prices listed INCLUDE shipping within the US. BUY! 

as always, thanks for reading!
-Michelle.